11 August, 2009

Can’t Have A New Life ‘Til You Let Go Of The Old

I cleaned my office this weekend - not vacuuming and dusting, but going through each and every little scrap of paper that was on my desk and, piece by piece, discarding it or filing it. Usually that task would feel arduous, but this time it was easy, almost enjoyable.

Why, I wondered, when I was done? Why did I enjoy it? Why was this time different from any other time?

Was it, I wondered, indicative of what’s to come, of what my life is about to be? Was it symbolic? Was I making room for new “stuff” by letting go of the old?

I was thinking about flying this weekend, how birds do it. I was on my way out to the orchard when a sparrow flew passed me, just above my head, not three feet away, close enough so I could hear the fluttering of his wings and his movement through the air and I remembered that birds have hollow bones, that they have to in order to lift themselves off the ground.

It’s an odd feeling I have as a result of this past weekend’s cleaning, as though I weigh less. I’m not referring to body weight, I’m talking about my heart and soul. I’m talking about a shedding of ‘mass’, a slow and steady casting off, link-by-link, of the Jacob Marley chain I've forged over the course of a lifetime and have hauled around with me since time began.

I don’t know if clearing the clutter out of my house is the reason for this feeling or if this feeling is what precipitated the clearing. Classic chicken and egg. All I know is, I’m getting ready to fly.

I’m not sure if that flying is a spiritual thing or if it’s just something as mundane as getting from point A to point B on a 747 during my upcoming book tour. Perhaps it’s both.

Whatever it is, I find myself embracing it, welcoming it. And that’s a huge change for me (there goes another link from that chain!) because “change” and the “unknown” used to scare the pants off of me. And now here I am, looking forward to it.

I am no longer terrified of it - rather, now I await it’s arrival like a child at a snowy evening windowsill, on the watch for reindeer.

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